Ex. 379: “Why does everyone think I’m gay?”

“Why does everyone think I’m gay,” Phil asked.

Four people in the room, and no one wanted to answer that question. This is what best friends were for, to handle straight forward issues like this. But his best friend was my husband…who also thought he was gay. Which is why he never had any problem with me and Phil spending the time together. The general consensus was that he’d most likely try to get into my dress before trying to get into my pants. Boy, Jonathan’s going to be surprised when I tell him this. That a man who knows more show tunes than Broadway, loves Hello Kitty, and has a passion for divas, is actually straight. I don’t even know how I’m going to explain this.

It was one of those moments that, even though he’d always dated women, I thought maybe Jonathan should inform Phil that he is in fact a gay man. Maybe he didn’t know. And as he lay around the showroom, covered in pink blankets, I’m convinced he still doesn’t know. He may be the first person to have to come out of the closet as straight. Well, first time for everything.

So, here we were, in the showroom, waiting for his girlfriend Mia to arrive to show of the house. And for some reason, we ended up on the conversation of him and his family and friends. And how they all seem to think he’s not straight. Metro was the word one of them used. But that’s not what he meant.


From 500-5-Minute Writing Exercises. Available in print and ebook.



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